Relationships with Men

Here's What I've Learned: Volume 1 (of who the hell knows how many. I 'm just getting started people.)

Topic of choice. (Insert new word that carries a meaning but isn't real): Genderific

The Relationship:

The opposite sex doesn't have it right either. So, don't worry if you feel you have it all wrong. You probably do. There are no standards, generic notes on how to be, where to leave off in a conversation, when not to want. There isn't a perfection in finding and being with someone. The phrase that involves standards is a bunch of bullshit. Whose standards? Are they really your own? And if they are, good for you, but I highly doubt it. The person you choose to live out your existence with is just that; a person. Imperfect, beautiful, no one out there like him or her. Don't look at someone else's life and compare. Don't let those other people lead how you should live your life with one another. The other couples go out, the other couples seem so happy, the other couples have this and that, the other couples etc. The other couples are people who struggle everyday as we do. Don't worry about what they think of you. Your relationship is what you make it. It's not the other person's fault all the time. You aren't the best party in your relationship. You both are. When did we stop seeing the person we are with as our partner? Our confidant, our friend? Don't believe that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence (stupid metaphor, but true). When you think you can do better that the one you are with it's time to evaluate. Be fair. To yourself and to him or her. And don't stray. If you feel you must; don't. No one should feel replaceable in a relationship. Man or woman. If it isn't going to work be honest with each other. And, please, don't wait it out. Keeping feelings hidden is a cause for a lot of resentment. Don't feel like you can't speak to the person you are with. Keyword: person. If you have something to say communicate it. Scream it, but make it known that things aren't right. (And men; if your lady has something to say don't say, "this is a bunch of girly shit and I don't wanna hear it." It isn't to her. It just isn't. She has pain and has every right to voice it.) (And women, if your man shuts down, understand that he isn't a mind reader. He doesn't fully comprehend the extent of how you may be feeling. It's not offensive, it just is what it is.) Find your way together, always. Forgive your stubborn selves and a solution will most certainly surface. To remain together or to move on. It's not all sunshine and rainbows... we should all understand how messy things can be. When feelings are involved things get intense. And you know what? It's okay. The pain will fade if you move on. Or if they move on.

The Rebound:

Whoever said rebounding is wrong was an idiot. Ummm... hello. How the hell else are we supposed to feel good about ourselves after a split up? Another person, that's how. Flattery. Don't deny yourself this right. The right to feel good about yourself. Sure, things may not work out... hence the term rebound. We don't have to turn a blind eye to the reality of it. Take that short term high and help yourself to move forward. 'Nuf said.

The Crush:

When it comes to feeling something for someone who will never return the feeling... move on. We humans love to dwell on what we can't have. It's a miserable truth. And it's a tragic waste of time. Months lost on someone. Your eyes so glazed over with that person that nothing else is there. Isn't it amazing how much you have forgiven this person for things you would have sworn you would never forgive anyone for? Does this seem at all worth it? Probably. I know it does and did for me. But I love him, I adore him. That's fine. But why love someone who won't love you back? I'm not going to sit here and say that you should start telling yourself he or she isn't good enough for you... you know... that thing we are supposed to tell our friends to make ourselves feel better. Because we all know that isn't the truth of it. (Your crush is obviously the shit because you to spend so much time with them; in your mind. Yeah, I said it.) But what we can say to ourselves is that there is an ample amount of energy being wasted on the prospect of something that will never happen. If you are here find a new crush. Because that's all it is. One of the meanings of the word 'crush' is: to oppress or burden grievously. Ummm... yeah. When you have these feelings you are in nowhere land. This person is, without meaning to, filling your thoughts and running your life. And there's the phrase, "If he or she wants you, they will come to you." And it's true. If they haven't yet they won't... Don't fill your mind with," But I'm perfect for him or her. I'm the best thing for him or her. I could make his or her life so much better." You can't do that for him or her. But you can for someone else. Please don't take this as pessimism. As the title said, it's what I've learned. And I've learned that letting things go is hard; letting people go can be especially hard. But for your sake it has to be done. Because you are you and you are exceptionally wonderful.

The Best Friend:

This is THE person. The one you've spent so much time with. Best buddies. You've done all embarrassing bodily functions in front of this person and they still say they love you. Well, hell. You love them as well. But how much? The only thing I can say is evaluate this situation very carefully. You DO have a lot to lose if you feel you want more with this person. Don't mistake your love for him or her as something more intense if it isn't so. Process everything... Is there attraction? Or comfort? Is there someone else coming into their lives that's making you crawl in your skin? Are you just worried that your time together will shorten because he or she may find someone to be with? If you feel it's more and that you want more you need to talk to him or her. Otherwise you will resent your friend for trying to find what they rightfully deserve; happiness. And it will hurt. All of it. If it doesn't end as you would like. But you claim you are his or her best friend and they claim the same. Why shouldn't you be able to get through it? I don't know why being turned down for a heavier relationship has to be the end all for a good friendship. Let go of the awkward afterwards moments and get your friendship back. If it doesn't work then it probably wasn't the best friendship to begin with.

The Rejection:

In typing the word 'rejection' I immediately put my head in my hands. Fear of rejection. Another term used to make us feel like shit when we get turned down. And we all do. And we don't die from it. As much as we very much at that point want to turn into an ostrich and hide our heads in the sand, we will survive; in the light. Rejection isn't the same as replaceable. It's not even rejection. (Unless you hit on the blonde with some lame ass pick up line and she dumps her drink in your face.) Rejection is the thing that Hollywood movies teach us. That we should eat Ben & Jerry's and be utterly miserable and hide away. Why? So what? Tom didn't like me. Jim didn't like me. And Ben & Jerry sure as hell didn't like me. Rejection is the worst kind of word. Went on a date. Got rejected. Bullshit. Haven't we learned by now that life isn't that simple? Haven't you realized yet how great you are? It's; went on a date. We talked. Had some awkward laughter. I thought we clicked but he or she apparently didn't. So we went our separate ways. There isn't rejection in there... there's honesty and the fact that we are all trying to find the right person to be with. The date (or whoever) isn't an asshole because he or she won't call you back. Give him or her credit; as a person. Why are we all so hung up on not being forward? If you like someone, should you fear telling them? Can you imagine the relief you would find if you put your feelings out there? What if they say yes, they feel the same way? You did that. And what if they say no? They don't feel the same way? You did that too. And it's not bad. You may be hurt... but it gives you the chance to move on. After all, we only have one life to live.

The Meat Market:

Three words. Forget that noise.

Genderific- adjective. delightful excitement to know the opposite gender. -She decided her date this evening would be genderific.-